DEFINING RELATIONSHIP

Hey everyone, hope life is unveiling to us several lessons as to run by it.

Ice breaker:

Miss.X bumped into a guy who was so nice to people which included her. They exchanged digits and kept keeping in touch and then hanging out. An as usual,Miss X tells her girlfriends about her new guy whose got eyes for her. This kept on happen until he came by with his fiancé. She was hurt and rained curses on him with tears filled eyes. She felt deceived and used.

What really was the problem?

Relationships has to do with the communication or interaction between two or more persons. This might seem so casual to be defined and all but just like Miss X,undefined relationships have a way of leaving a stitch in our hearts,ruins once existing relationships.

We meet a lot of people on regular basis but few of Us really take time to sort out these people who come to our lives daily. Are they friends or do they want friendship or more.

Defined relationship doesn’t just come to play in romantic relationships, its goes way down to roommates, colleagues and much more. There are so many people pretending and leaving in their own worlds that they are some persons close friends while they are just casual friends.

when do I define my relationships

One should start defining his/her relationships once the motive behind the relationship is not clearly stated

Once strange and weird intimacy steps in for a relationship you think is at ‘ let’s just be friends ,you better start asking for clarity on the type of relationship before you get into something you don’t want and will be hard to recover from.

When you start to feel the urge of responsibility to someone,it’s high time you find out what the state of the relationship is. It should be clear what kind of relationship it is cos you can’t become obligated by your mind and emotions to do stuffs for someone and find out finally that you where just been a philanthropist not dating so to say.

views on defining relationships

A friend of mine said;

It’s necessary.. Super necessary to define relationships. Especially when u are not sure of the person’s real motive. Maybe the person is just super nice or maybe the person really likes u. Its good you define the relationship, before some unnecessary sense of duty starts popping up

Also,another line of thought on this is;

Don’t allow a lady date you in her mind, and also don’t allow a guy think you are his woman. He may start touching you anyhow one day or Some may stupidly go for a kiss. Can you imagine?

David E. Mentioned that,

“to avoid future disaster relationships should be defined right from the on set. This will help to let one know where the stand in people’s life and not attach too much value or attention to people whey are nothing to”.

Most ladies are too desperate for to date that at the slightest niceness of a guy,they feel his the one for them and Begin to have fantasies about someone who just wants friendship. Also some guys feel a lady can’t be free with you without demanding something more or intimacy so to say,then they begin to make passes and disrespectful touch and attempt. This comes in when the category of the relationship isn’t defined.

We have a lot of people in our lives right now that when asked who they are to us leaves us confused and speechless cos we haven’t given them a spot,so we end up giving the wrong set of people attention, shutting out the good ones and investing into a so called relationship that only exist in your own world.

We have roommates or colleagues who feel for been around us they have the right to intrude into our private lives like we are some close buddies but that shouldn’t be so. If you dont want their friendship, state it.

Things will be a lot better if we actually let people know how much they mean to us so they don’t get to struggle too hard for approval or struggle too hard that leaves them out of our lives.

dear,I’m James and I was wondering if we could be friends or reading partners

Hey Christy, I’ve watched you for a while and don’t know if I can have a chance to be your boyfriend…

Conversations like this wouldn’t kill us. Some young ones have friends of opposite gender and don’t know if they are emotionally attracted to them to just best friends cos they end up getting mad at them talking to other people of opposite sex. Save yourself the stress of hurt or jealousy and just ask, ” are we just friends or what”, “where do I stay in your life cos I can’t really say.”

EFFECTS OF UNDEFINED RELATIONSHIPS

When I don’t define my relationship with people, what happens to me? Or to the people I claim I love?

  • causes a breach in communication: this occurs when we make assumptions of things and not finding out in reality what it is. So you see cases of once close friendship now broken cos they only saw the relationship for what they wanted and not the needs of the other party.
  • Psychological disaster: this leads to us shutting people out of our lives for the mistake of something we could have stopped with questions for clarity. It leaves the heart broken and to some shocked that a friend of theirs saw them as a couple which is far from it.
  • Unnecessary expenses: for people we love so much,we start to feel obligated to buy them gifts,items,attach to much time to them,give relevance to them and not our close buddies anymore just to find out a t the end that there wasn’t really anything deep at least not from the partner’s end except yours. And since you took your views and thoughts to be same,you have to deal with the loss now.
  • Emotional pains: leaves one to broken and hurt to love again,too clouded by our past ability not to define our relationships before it went too far to see the love that comes from people and buddies that care for us too. We become what we never were.

ADVICE

When your starting whatever kind of relationship, ASK questions cos it wouldn’t hurt as it will when you don’t. When you ain’t getting the signs and signal he/she is giving… ASK

Also,from your end,learn to state out plainly what kind of relationship you have to offer. Is it casual friends, BFF,close buddies,boyfriend, fun partner, study mate and whatever it may be. After you’ve done your part and the second party isn’t forthcoming, you walk way!

Thanks so much for taking time out to rad this and you definitely can bring your views on defining relationships through the comment box and don’t forget to like and share.

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Drive:a step to success

Hey sugar pies

Many definitions are given to success by a lot of people based on their goals and aspirations. Unfortunately, many have ended their lives or gone to jail cos they pursued the wrong type of success.

Some say success is to being rich and owning lots of cars,women and fame. Success to others is popularity and wealth and to the small minds,it is wife, lots of children, maybe a motorcycle and a large harvest. To educative mind,it is bagging a first degree, move on to getting a master’s degree and even a doctorate degree in a prestigious institution or even go across borders. That’s so sad because true and real success is only one thing which is;

A life lived according to God’s master plan for our lives. True success is living a purposeful and purpose driven life.

Since we know what true success is,what then drives and fuels us through the road to success. There are various values and stuffs that drives us either to flames or safe landing.

The first thing that fuels us on our road to success is the knowledge of God. Knowing God and the extent of his abilities enables us to know for sure that if its success we want ,we sure an get it by knowing him.

Another thing that fuels us is our love for God. When we love God, there’s always a desire to please him even when we know we can’t do it ourselves and so depend on him completely. And guess what? As we love God, we get to access his dimensions of success and through principles become successful.

An important substance that drives us to success is friends. Are your friends small thinkers or great thinkers? Do they have goals or aspirations? Do they have a balance between fun and focus?

If the answer to these questions are No,then you’re definitely heading to flames and not a safe landing.

Lastly, your joy and pains. It might sound strange and all but seriously what makes you happy has a way of making you put your best to it. If music makes you happy, then study or work while the music is on and I’m sure you’ll shoot your best shot.

Then what pains or hurts you has a way of making you not to repeat the same mistake or mentality someone has. Therefore, you see yourself putting in conscious to make things right and achieve that goal you’ve always had .

This is just a tip of the iceberg a lot of us have in mind. So feel free to make comments on other things that helps drive us to

Thanks for taking time to read this up

LOST FOCUS___ GAINING VIEW

Hey everyone

Leaving primary school, i was that girl who wanted to be a journalist cause I had fluency of speech and so I had that in mind till my early years of secondary school. Academics wasn’t a problem to me and trying to use my performance to determine if I was gonna be good in science or arts wasn’t the best way cos I’ll say I was doing all well.

Just when I was supposed to write my determining exams,I went in for science with a new dream to be a medical doctor:trust me the zeal was real. So I got kicking in science class and it truly wasn’t bad plus I had an attraction for novels which helped reduce the stress. I found my way through science class till final year where I had to sit for my final exams and guess what? It didn’t turn out so well… Had am issue with chemistry and I was like how but I never took note of the signs after I changed my dreams,I was just OK with the overall score.

This issue caused a crack to my neatly drafted plan of reading medicine and becoming a doctor. I cried and went solo but it still didn’t help. Soon my parents came up with the plan stay one more year home and make my papers but I wasn’t cool with it since I knew a year outside school was too much a break to make up my papers.

A lot of things happen after that and I ended getting admitted to study human anatomy. I felt so bad at first as I thought my dreams where becoming nightmares but with encouragement from friends and family I made up my mind to give it my best shot. The school made it easier to switch to medicine in second year after meeting a required criteria.

First year studying human anatomy wasn’t as tough as I expected but the struggles were real but I kept going. By the end of first year,I didn’t meet the requirements so I had to remain in anatomy. I thought it was tough first year till I met courses like gross anatomy, physiology, biochemistry and then I knew I just got started. I gave in my best not to fail or go below average and as far as I met that I was fine.

By the end of first semester second year I had almost completely cancelled out ever studying medicine again and of course after second semester I had completely closed doors to dreams and ideas of reading medicine cos I just felt I couldn’t deal with this stress for another round.

Third year came and I couldn’t wait to be screaming FYB(Final Year Brethren) in just 12 months coming until I heard a lecture and teaching on the role of diligence in academic excellence and it took me on memory lane to exactly where the problem began,where the dreams became nightmares, zeal quenched and urge to step out of my comfort zone and fight faded away and left me satisfied with been average.

I lost my focus! That was what happened to me. I let things not working out as I planned and my comfort zone stop me from pressing for more till I achieved my dream. And I’m sure many students and people out there have lost hope on their dreams and come up with excuses like I’m content!I’m doing just fine! While deep down something went wrong,a spark of flame went dim and maybe blew out.

HOW DO I GAIN VIEW__(FOCUS)

1. Go back to the drawing board:

This is where everything all started. Where you got your dreams,the zeal and set the flames up and cross check if there was a mistake.Perhaps ,you didn’t seek direction from the master planner(God) correctly or you missed a step or rather reacted wrongly to the first wall that started building up to obstruct your focus;mine happened to be my results.

2. Accept the mistakes:

That I made a mistake didn’t make me to be the mistake, it just seemed so cos I let it grow from within. So when you see the mistakes made on the drawing board, accept it and begin to seek for ways to fix it and in this case that best way is to ask from God. What do I do?where do I go from here?how should I take it?all these questions and more should be asked. This allows you to see the obstacle which wasn’t in view.

3. Break down the wall:

This involves taking out every thought,activity or person who has held you back in your comfort zone,stuffs that blinded you from seeing the wall that was built between your dreams and you. It allows you see clearly the cracks on the wall which could be the friends you let in,the ideas you took to consideration, the limits you created for yourself and your flaws that you made to own and rule you. Break down those walls. Study and work your way out.

4. Open your eyes and step out of your zone:

You probably might have survived breaking the walls without opening your eyes but open them up know and see what you’ve achieved, how your determination catapulted you, how your in a new level. It feels so great. Then step out completely of your comfort zone and do not leave a foot behind while leave otherwise you just might be tempted to give up.

5. Set goals:

Until you reach where your goal is which is your dream don’t stop moving, don’t stop giving in your best cos your best isn’t good enough if you haven’t reached where you want and ought to be. So keep pressing and trust me you will definitely get to that place

6. Keep dreaming:

Keep seeing yourself where you want to be,keep enjoying and basking in the good feelings it gives you just picturing yourself just where you ought to be. Don’t you ever stop dreaming cos once you do,you stop becoming. Let your dreams soar with you to highest peak of life.

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few steps and many more helps one to gain focus back and become the exact person and be at the exact place we dreamed of. I hope this helps anyone out there whose losing sight of their dreams and leaving in the shadow of it.

Struggles of a 20 year old



Hey lovelies 😘

You might all be wondering why the age 20 but I just couldn’t pass on this one. So for all the 20year olds reading this or parents who have 20year old kids, niece, nephew,friends and all, get ready to discover the struggles of this age and the way out.

In Nigeria,18teen is seen as the age where one is able to take decisions and make choices which have benefits or consequences and be responsible for them legally. But then is this really true at the family level? Cos for me, you’re entering into the teenage age, the pressure and eyes on you gets overwhelming and this still leaves many teenagers immature.
At 20,you get to deal with a lot of academic stress,peer pressure, the reality of adulthood, emotional issues,dealing with relationships not to talk of sexual drive. So I’ll be talking about these stuffs  and how to deal with them.

1.academic stress:

Most kids at this age are probably in senior high or college and so the stress of school gets overwhelming. Trying to do homework, extracurricular activities, reading for mid_term test and examination just to make sure to come out with good grades. This can make us forget to take care of ourselves and not notice that we are gradually disappearing to thin air.
So here’s what to do. Make a timetable and to_do list on school work which has to be done and create  a sort of alone time,where you get to do your laundry,exfoliate your skin,do some brainstorming about your future life,exercise and all that to keep you going.





2.peer pressure:

Much of peer pressure comes from the teen age which get bigger as one turns 20. The pressure of drugs,women, skipping classes,wrong gang doubles up its usual force and can wreck the life of 20 year olds if not careful.
To deal with this, learn to meet the right people older than you are to talk about this stuffs,meet godly and experienced people who have gone through this challenges sometime in life.





3.reality of adulthood:

Some kids get so mischievous during teen days that turning 20 hits them so hard like an explosion or tornado when they realize how much time they’ve wasted in things I call vanity which at this point no longer mean anything to them. The thought of making money,be recognized and have a good life begins to dawn on them and they start trying to make these stuffs come through.





4.emotional issues:

Ladies who turn 20 begin to be emotionally unstable. They begin to need more attention, love and affection. Its sad to know that they go finding all these in the wrong places. They feel getting involved in sexual relationships gets to feed their emotions. Others just become so closed up that they shut out people who just want to be friends to them due to thoughts that they want more. This is mostly due to past heartbreaks and broken trust issues.
In dealing with this,learn to let go of past hurt and guilt,cos you only end up hurting yourself by shutting people out and giving room for people to flock in and out of your life messing you up.





5.dealing with relationship issues:

Its funny how young ones get to rush into relationships and end it real quick. Most of them go into relationships for selfish reasons and end up getting disappointed once their needs are not met.
Friendship is another form of relationship where young ones find it difficult to maintain due to ego and uncertain wants. At this stage in life,they begin to want to build tight buddies and forever relationships with various kinda of people. This might be a good step as well as a dangerous one because the openness to these relationships makes them overlook the negative signs in people.
So,be careful in trying to build relationship and friendship so  you don’t get broken along the way






6.sexual drive:

Most 20 year olds I’ve come in contact with complain about the increased level or sexual urge and drive. The ones who have preserved their virginity and remained pure begin to double  check their decision in staying clean. Its like the sexual drive takes over them and makes them to begin to watch pornography,dirty magazines,go into masturbation and all sort of what not just to cool off the drive. But the question is, ‘ does it really work or does it leave you wanting more’ ?
So what can you do to cure this?personally I feel this drives works in line with what we see,hear and think about, so a guard on these can help out. Also the use of the bible and spiritual leaders to help overcome this urge is a massive and big step in dealing with sexual drive.
On a lighter note,guys when you feel the urge, go get yourself cold water and have a nice bath and Jacuzzi moment and for the ladies …sleep or go on a stroll or girls night out😂😂.






Thanks for reading,I hope it left you educated and entertained….
Don’t forget to like and leave comments on other struggles of 20 year  and how to deal with them.



Ripples of love

Hey guys😊😊

Its just five days left to Valentine and everyone is trying to do something unique,expensive and mind blowing for their loved ones and that’s great stuff. But also some don’t have the funds to do anything,some have obviously forgotten their inner boxes of ideas and feel its better to just fold their hands and not show love.

Its also important to say that a lot of relationships will be taking a break at this period all because the expensive and glamorous gifts our partners were expecting to show to the world wasn’t available but there’s always a better way out.

Ripples means a particular feeling or effect that spreads through someone or something.

That is to say ripples of water can make up an ocean so also ripples of love expressed can become an ocean of love built up in the hearts of people. The little things we do and say get to remain in the memories and hearts of as many that we come in contact with.

1.smiles

Smiles are facial expressions which flow from inside that we express. A smile can save the day. It has the ability to inspire and pass across the feeling of love and care towards someone. Its a free stuff and less stressful so come on share your smiles with people around you cos they deserve it and it sure looks good on you.

2.compliments

A lot of times people feel its OK not to express how they truly feel and their attractions to something or someone as it makes them vulnerable to hurt. But what’s the use of admiration if it can’t be spoken to the person who deserves it.

people are going through a stuffs daily and it will help if what comes from our mouths are refreshing, mind lifting and cheerful words rather than mean and harsh words which end up ruining people’s personality.

When you see your partner or friend trying to look like someone else,tell them their beautiful or when they smile to you,tell them how lovely it looks on them. These words work like magic once applied appropriately.

3.actions

Love is easier said than done and expressed. Love has been brought so low to the minds of people as mere unaffectionate words that we force down our vocal cord just to get what we want from people and all that. But love is more than that,its about your love for God expressed in your deeds to man. It can be expresses through giving,reaching out to people who need your support and time.

A times people go through grief and all they want is just for us to stay beside them,holding on to them and giving them the feeling that we are not going anywhere neither are we giving up on them. It does more than we think it can in their current state.

4. jokes

Love expressed doesn’t have to be so serious cos serious is way overrated. Our jokes pranks and all that can lighten up the spark within anyone and unconsciously cause them to love us right back. When you play around with loved ones,take strolls,sway on swings,fix their hair up when its messed up and lift them off their feet. Those memories always stay for as long as they live because someone was comfortable with them just the way they are.

Wherever we find ourselves, let be willing to give out love in the smallest way we can. Let the little acts of love be the ripples we allow to drop into the hearts of many so after all that is said and done,they will in turn have oceans of love to pour on us.

Thanks for taking out time to read ……please like and comment.

ACCEPTANCE: a step to becoming a better you

hey everyone 😍

I’m so excited to be publishing my first post after alot of inspiration and brainstorming from friends.

Alot of people complain of not been appreciated, accepted and taken seriously but in reality these ones haven’t come to clear terms with themselves to endorse and love who they really are. They expect others to see them for who they wish to be and not who they currently are because of the feeling of not been good enough.

Acceptance in my own words means approval or endorsement of something or someone .

you must come to the actualization that no one will appreciate you enough if you don’t do so for yourself. If you pass in front of a mirror and never pause to notice how beautiful and strong you really are in and out, there’s nothing anyone will say that will make you better.

Acceptance gives us the opportunity to learn and become better versions of ourselves and still be our own masterpiece. It’s OK to be a nerd,weirdo or the classy one, just make sure whatever you put on gives you the opportunity of revealing the true you and also allows you to grow and love who you really are and who you’re becoming

Some feel they are too skinny, or fat, too tall or short, others feel the shape they have got isn’t anything compared to those on TV or not built as those guys they see modelling and so they overwork themselves in trying to be someone else.

Finally, if you don’t feel your worth more than a billion dollar check, you’ll get purchased for that and even less all because you couldn’t see that your a priceless 💎 deep within and all you had to do was let it shine from the inside and light up the world.

You are Royalty ,

you are chosen and beautiful

Alessia Cara sang in her song’scars to your beautiful ‘said these words:

you don’t have to change a thing, the world can change its heart…. oh your beautiful .

Thanks for reading… Please your comments are welcome😘😘.

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